When you start missing him, you need to remind yourself of the torture he inflicted upon you. Someone who claims to love and care about another would not have done what he did. You need to remind yourself that you are worth so much more than the love he chose to give when he felt like giving it as if you earned it for being good, dutiful, obedient.
Suck it the fuck up.
Stop giving away your power. Your tears are gifts that should be bestowed on a man who values the creature that you are, not the one he wishes you to be. When you call him at your weakest moments, you are feeding the beast of his vanity. His voice is your drug. His silence is his weapon. Remember how he has not been there for you when you felt like you cannot do it anymore.
He doesn’t care. Not in the way that you need him to anymore. The man he used to be was an illusion. The veil has been dropped to reveal the man he always has been. Stop serving his ego and start serving your own. Loving, valuing, best friend, these are you and you are these.
Leave his smallness behind to let your greatness bloom. You do not need to shrink anymore. He sought to dull the brilliance of your diamond soul because he was flawed. His hatred of himself manifested in a hatred of you. Weak men cannot handle the strength of women like you.
Love yourself for others to love you. Your happiness, well-being, are all within you. This cannot be found through others. Instead of searching for others to fill you, fill yourself with what you have to offer the world. Your kindness, warmth, power, brilliance – as you radiate out, you will draw others to you. Never let anyone have the depth of power you gave him.
Let go of those who do not feed your soul.
(This was for another assignment for the Write Into Light course I took last year. It was too painful at the time to continue, but I’m now in a place where I can AND the assignments go away soon.)