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black bird

The Bird in the Storm

Art I’m in a rut, artistically speaking, right now. I’ve signed up for quite a few things this year and nothing is speaking to me. Yesterday, I continued working on a piece that I started this week-end and I’m very “meh” about it right now. I try to be gentle with myself as a newbie …

Cypress trees

Let me tell you about Sophronia

Sophronia Thrush is my great-great grandmother on my dad’s side of the family. I never knew of her existence until a few years ago. After my separation from the ex-husband, I was looking for a place to live. I needed to be some place that would bring me healing from the hell of the last …

Standing fighting trying

Dreams

Most days I’m content in my new life. I feel very fortunate to have met and married someone who values and cherishes me. This marriage is new and a very small slice of my life. When you have been with someone since you were a very young woman and grew up with that other person …

Stargirl

three years

Today marks the third year of the day that I made my first attempt to end my life. My life as I knew it was ending. I had no way of knowing at the time how differently beautiful my life would become. I felt completely alone and the only way out that I could see …

July

It’s been two years since my life changed in a way that I never anticipated. I still struggle with being alone. I still struggle with this new reality. So much has changed over these past two years. I think it’s hard when you are forced to make a decision that you never wanted nor anticipated. …

I’ve done a thing

Something that I have done a lot of over the year and half since the ex dropped the bomb is listen to podcasts. There are a lot available out there to listen to and cover everything from politics, true crime to self help. Prior to the bomb drop, I was partial to true crime podcasts, …

Darkness and Light

The last few weeks have been really tough for me for some reason. I was in a dark place. I don’t know if it’s the because of the weather which has been really wet, a few weeks of insomnia, or if it’s the fact that the ex called me during the holidays or everything combined. …

You could never forgive me

That is the last e-mail you sent to me and it has made me angry. My therapist has asked me when I’m going to be angry with you and I think I’m getting there. I am angry because while you seek my forgiveness, you have never forgiven me for my one transgression against you. Your …

The Maze

There are times when I feel like I’m not making any progress as I work through this grief. I worry that some people think I should give over it already (including the stbx) and are just tired of me talking about it. There are many times when I feel like I’m doing well and ready …

Death by a Thousand Cuts

When my  soon to be ex (stbx) informed me on July 2nd, 2017, that we (meaning he) was done, I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe. If he had stood in front of me and punched me in the stomach, I think I would have preferred that momentary pain than the pain he inflicted for …

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