I’m in a rut, artistically speaking, right now. I’ve signed up for quite a few things this year and nothing is speaking to me. Yesterday, I continued working on a piece that I started this week-end and I’m very “meh” about it right now. I try to be gentle with myself as a newbie artist, but this is something I fail at with myself often. When left to create something on my own, my brain goes blank or rather it freezes. I’ll think of something that I want to try, but the self-doubt steps in that what I envision in my brain will never make it on the paper.
Then there have been a few other pieces I’ve started on over the past few weeks, but have not enjoyed how they are coming along. I start feeling the frustration creep in that it’s not turning out like the artist who is teaching it. So the piece gets scrapped because of my frustration.
I went out yesterday and bought some more art supplies in the hopes of getting me motivated again. And, I shipped off my first commissioned piece as well. Both felt good although the craft store I went into yesterday was woefully inadequate in the good quality art paint department. I bought some gorgeous paper and washi tape though along with some very pretty ephemera pieces. I hope to play with some of that today.
What do you do when you are in a artistic rut?
Tomorrow we leave for a few days. I’m so excited to be on an adventure again, I can hardly stand it. We are heading to Cabo San Lucas and I can’t wait to walk the sandy beach and dip my toes in ocean. I may have more than one margarita while there and of course, tacos and guacamole. We are supposed to go kayaking on Saturday morning. I hope to see some creatures of the sea.
Today, I need to pack and do my nails. The mani/pedis I do for myself never turn out quite as lovely as those done by the professionals. I hope to visit my favorite salon sometime soon, but it won’t be in time for our trip tomorrow.
My plan is to bring my laptop so I can continue to blog. (Although I missed the last couple of days due to my own blahness.) I can’t wait to share my adventure with anyone who wants to read about it.
I wish I would stop having dreams about the ex. It seriously messes with my mind because every. single. dream. is about him regretting what he did. I know this is projection on my part because it’s what I want him to feel. And, I thought about not posting anything because I worry about what people will think and then I get angry with myself because this is my blog after all and I get to put up here what I want to, dammit.
I really need to find a therapist who will help me process the trauma he put me through – which was so intense the last six months we spent together – that it nearly killed me and for which, during that time, he became so unrecognizable to me.
I feel myself raging at him inside.
The picture for today’s post is what I started working on this week-end. Underneath, I wrote out a whole bunch of stuff about what I was feeling about the ex. And because I wasn’t sure exactly how to capture what was going on inside my head, I pulled cards utilizing Effy’s Journal Jam cards that I made awhile ago. I look at it now and realize it conveys the storm I’m feeling inside and the black bird is sitting in the midst of it all.
So maybe, I need to stop being so hard on myself in many different ways.