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Let Go

When friendships fade

I have very few girlfriends. My closest female relationships are to my mom, my daughter and my cousin. I envy women who seem to have bountiful, strong female relationships. During my first marriage, I spent a lot of time raising a family, going to school, and working. Developing long-term friendships was hard because my time …

A Year of Mary

Messiness

Today’s picture is from Effy Wild’s “Year of Mary” lesson. Each month she does a painting inspired by the poetry of Mary Oliver. This was the lesson for March and it created so many challenges for me. In fact, it’s been sitting on my art cart for about two weeks because I could not get her face …

My saving grace

We went to a burial on Friday. It was for my husband’s brother-in-law who had suffered from a stroke a few months ago. It was in a rural part of the state and it was eye-opening for me to see the number of people out and about without masks. My husband and I both were …

Santa Cruz

A couple of months after the ex and I started dating, we went on a week-end trip to Santa Cruz. I was still living at home and told my parents that I was spending the night at my girlfriend’s house. He had a motorcycle, so I rode on the back with my arms around his …

Meanderings 1

We celebrated Thanksgiving again this year by ourselves. It was our second one together and I was hoping that we wouldn’t be repeating last year’s Thanksgiving of it just being us. Thanks to COVID and people not adhering to the guidelines, here we are. That being said, I was surprised to learn the impact I …

I’ve done a thing

Something that I have done a lot of over the year and half since the ex dropped the bomb is listen to podcasts. There are a lot available out there to listen to and cover everything from politics, true crime to self help. Prior to the bomb drop, I was partial to true crime podcasts, …

this dating thing can suck

I got married young. I met the ex at the age of 19 and married him at the age of 20. I can count on one hand the number of guys I dated prior to meeting the ex and I would have a couple of fingers left. That’s how inexperienced I am with this whole …

You could never forgive me

That is the last e-mail you sent to me and it has made me angry. My therapist has asked me when I’m going to be angry with you and I think I’m getting there. I am angry because while you seek my forgiveness, you have never forgiven me for my one transgression against you. Your …

The Maze

There are times when I feel like I’m not making any progress as I work through this grief. I worry that some people think I should give over it already (including the stbx) and are just tired of me talking about it. There are many times when I feel like I’m doing well and ready …

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