There has been a lot going on with me since my last update. I have more good days than bad days, but I’ve been able to power through on the bad days and make it to the next, embracing it for the gift that it is. I have to keep reminding myself that my Betty Ma (my maternal grandma) was only given 45 years on this planet. I’ve been given the gift to live years beyond what she was given. My life is precious not only to me but to those who love me. I have got to keep that in mind.
I’ve been doing online dating which has been an experience. There are some nice guys out there, but there are also a lot of them out there for the quick hook-up. Quick hook-ups have there purpose, but I really do want someone who I can do fun things with as a companion and a best friend. Intimacy is so much better when you have that connection. Right now, I’m talking to one guy who I’m feeling really good about, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up. It seems every time I do, then I’m disappointed. I’ve been seeing another guy as well for a few months. He lives a few hours away and while we always have a good time together, I don’t think he’s being completely honest with me.
I keep moving forward in the hopes that some day I will have someone in my life that will value me in the way that I value them. I really do miss sharing my life with someone – coming home and knowing that there is someone that I can just sit with on the couch and share my day and listen to their day as well. I miss waking up next to someone, planning our day and just that closeness that comes when you have someone in your life that matters to you. I am putting it out in the universe that I find someone like that. If not, I will have to be okay with that as well.
My divorce will be final on September 30, 2018. It will be the day before my birthday. It is not lost on me that the end of one chapter in my life is ending as the start of new year on this planet begins for me. I’ve come a long ways and that’s what I have to keep my focus on. It’s no longer about the ex and the damage he caused me. It’s about me welcoming this change and becoming the person I was always meant to be.