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Amputation

A part of my heart has been amputated,removed by the scalpel of his words,leaving me wanting for the phantom of our future that is no longer and never will be. A part of my heart has been amputated,it beats differently now, hurt, aching, betrayed,a desperate want to feel the familiar,yet knowing the past is no …

this dating thing can suck

I got married young. I met the ex at the age of 19 and married him at the age of 20. I can count on one hand the number of guys I dated prior to meeting the ex and I would have a couple of fingers left. That’s how inexperienced I am with this whole …

Mosaic

(Note: this is a piece I wrote for a course I’m doing by Martha Beck called “Write Into Light”.) Dear Broken One, I can see that you have loved a man for many years. Even though throughout the years, there have been many happy times, both have you have also seen many struggles that might …

You could never forgive me

That is the last e-mail you sent to me and it has made me angry. My therapist has asked me when I’m going to be angry with you and I think I’m getting there. I am angry because while you seek my forgiveness, you have never forgiven me for my one transgression against you. Your …

Let’s be exclusive!

A couple of men I have dated and who I felt there was a connection to seemed to want to be “exclusive” right away. According to Urban Dictionary, the definition for exclusiveness in a dating relationship means the following: The state of being with one person, and only one person, without labeling yourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. I will admit …

adventures in dating

Back in February of this year, I decided to take the plunge and explore the world of online dating. Truthfully, I never thought that this would be a world that I would be a part of because I never imagined that the ex would cheat on me with a co-worker, move in with her and …

The Maze

There are times when I feel like I’m not making any progress as I work through this grief. I worry that some people think I should give over it already (including the stbx) and are just tired of me talking about it. There are many times when I feel like I’m doing well and ready …

Death by a Thousand Cuts

When my  soon to be ex (stbx) informed me on July 2nd, 2017, that we (meaning he) was done, I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe. If he had stood in front of me and punched me in the stomach, I think I would have preferred that momentary pain than the pain he inflicted for …

An open letter

Dear M, I’ve thought a lot about writing this letter to you. I’m conflicted because I don’t want to pay attention to you and have you think that you are a constant presence in my life. Trust me when I say that I no longer think about having revenge on you or that I think …

Update on my life

There has been a lot going on with me since my last update. I have more good days than bad days, but I’ve been able to power through on the bad days and make it to the next, embracing it for the gift that it is.  I have to keep reminding myself that my Betty …

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