divorce,  Grief,  Thoughts

You could never forgive me

That is the last e-mail you sent to me and it has made me angry. My therapist has asked me when I’m going to be angry with you and I think I’m getting there. I am angry because while you seek my forgiveness, you have never forgiven me for my one transgression against you.

Your actions for 7 months spoke volumes as to how to really felt about me. You did your level best to destroy me. Your destruction of me will take me months or years to recover from and to work through.  You were selfish and you were arrogant. You did the one thing that you swore you never would do to me. You used my one statement as an excuse to find another woman, even though my actions towards you for almost a year should have shown you that my words were just that – words that inadequately described my hurt.

So when will you forgive me? When will you acknowledge that what I said in no way justified your actions against me and in no way justified your transgression of being involved with someone else while still married to me?

When will you admit that I am pretty much the same person you married. I’ve always been ambitious. A trait that at one time you admired because I wasn’t a partier like the woman you were involved with before me. And look who you ended up with – another partier. You went backwards and I went forwards.

I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you. When will you say that you forgive me and that you are sorry for destroying this family because of your own selfishness. One day you will have to look in the mirror and acknowledge that you almost destroyed the one person who loved you unconditionally. Will you be able to forgive yourself or will you still blame me?

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